I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
