when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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