mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
