I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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