Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
