No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
