Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
