I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
