i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
