she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
