you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
