Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
