The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
