You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
