I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
