FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
