im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
