There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
