it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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