i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
