Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
