Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
