i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
