So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
