He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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