So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
