i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
