Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
