Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
