go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
