I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
