I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
