So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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