loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
