Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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