Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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