i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
