two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
