Non-Jews are for practice
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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