non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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