I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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