I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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