well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
