Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
