bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
