I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
