That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
