member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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