The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
