have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
